Another Damn Trail Camera

I'm getting real sick of this crap.

Last night, I went out for a nice, peaceful walk through the woods. Beautiful night. Full moon. Crickets chirping. Not a human being in sight.

Or so I thought.

I scratched my ass against a pine tree, ate some berries, took a piss, and went about my business.

A perfectly normal Thursday.

This morning, I find out some jackass strapped a trail camera to an oak tree and recorded the entire thing.

Now there's a video of me on Reddit titled **"POSSIBLE SASQUATCH SIGHTING — ENHANCED FOOTAGE!!!"**

Enhanced? ENHANCED?!

Buddy, that's my ass. You're zooming in on my ass.

And now I've got 600 strangers arguing about whether I'm real, a guy in a gorilla suit, or somebody's drunk uncle wandering home from a barbecue.

One asshole commented, "Notice the unusual walking pattern."

YEAH, GREG. I HAD A PINECONE STUCK BETWEEN MY CHEEKS.

I've spent 400 years avoiding humanity. I've survived hunters, logging crews, government expeditions, and an entire generation of men named Dale.

But apparently, a $39 trail camera from Walmart is gonna be my downfall.

And what the hell happened to privacy?

You people can't even go camping anymore without mounting cameras everywhere like a Hollywood film crew.

I'm a legendary woodland creature. Not a porch pirate stealing your Amazon packages.

And another thing — quit leaving beef jerky tied to trees trying to lure me out.

I'm nine feet tall, covered in hair, and I live in the dense woods.

You think I've survived four centuries because I can't resist a Slim Jim?

I swear to God, if I find another camera pointed at my favorite ass scratching tree, I'm ripping it down and mailing it back to the owner with a fresh turd in the battery compartment.

Four hundred years of being a mystery, and now I've got less privacy than a Kardashian.

**I used to be a legend. Now I'm somebody's damn Ring notification.**

— Bigfoot

*Sent from an undisclosed location... ass scratchin' tree*

The biggest Gen X online house party ever.

Another Damn Trail Camera

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Written by a member of The GXA: GenX Forum.